Reading People: Why We’re All Guilty of Judging a Book by Its Cover
There’s no getting around it. We’re all guilty of judging books by their covers, or people, in this case. At some point in your life, you have or will make a decision based on first impressions alone, and usually, that first impression was made by looking at someone’s appearance before having any real conversation with them. To some degree, this can be detrimental to your life if you choose to judge people too harshly based on their appearances because you could be missing out on knowing someone who has the ability to change your life forever.
What It Means to Judge a Book by Its Cover
You might have heard it said that You can’t judge a book by its cover, but you probably do it anyway. Don’t feel bad: It turns out, that most people are guilty of judging others based on appearances.
Social psychologist Nalini Ambady has found that in as little as 100 milliseconds, we make judgments about personality, intelligence, and emotionality. Even when we don’t realize we’re doing it.
When you think about how much more information is revealed to us over time, these snap judgments aren’t too surprising; often they even match up with our later impressions (for better or worse). But just because we all do it doesn’t mean you can’t learn to be less prejudiced.
Prejudice, Stereotypes, and Bias — How They Affect Our Day-to-day Life
As humans, we tend to form opinions about others. This may be in part due to our evolutionary past, but it can also have an effect on how successful we are at work and in our personal lives. Often, these judgments aren’t based on facts but rather on prejudice and stereotypes that we all hold consciously or unconsciously. From deciding who to hire for a job to whom you want to date, these snap judgments often result in success or failure.
The good news is that there are ways to read people more accurately and know if your impressions are actually accurate. Perhaps then you’ll see that how well you read people may affect your professional life as much as your social one.
How Bad Can It Be?
Most people do it. A recent survey revealed that one in four people say they won’t hire someone because of what he or she looks like. What you look like can indeed tell other people something about your personality, but there’s no telling whether it will be true, or whether those judgments are accurate. After all, we make snap judgments about other people all day long.
We decide within seconds if we want to talk to a stranger on an elevator or at a bar; if someone is competent enough for us to let him into our house; and if her face is pretty enough for us to give her our phone number, much less ask her out on a date.
Sometimes these judgments turn out to be right, sometimes wrong. When it comes to making decisions based on how others look, we really don’t know what we’re doing, and that goes for everyone else too. So before you judge a book by its cover, remember: nobody knows anything!
Self-awareness and Empathy
The ability to read people comes from two places: self-awareness and empathy. If you want to read people, then it’s best if you are always striving to be more self-aware of your actions and words. It’s no easy feat in today’s world.
The more aware you are of your behaviors, strengths, and weaknesses, the easier it will be for you to understand others around you. Likewise, if you hope to see through others’ masks, it helps to put yourself in their shoes (in other words: practice empathy). You may never truly understand why someone does what they do. But when you can empathize with them on some level and can see that they’re not alone in their struggles, you’ll have better luck connecting with them.
Recognizing Prejudice, Biases, and Stereotypes in Others
If you’re being honest with yourself, you can probably think of times when you jumped to conclusions about others before really getting to know them. The problem with judging people based on their appearance is that it’s nearly impossible not to fall into our own biases and prejudices.
Recognizing these prejudices and taking steps to rid them from your mind can go a long way in creating positive, lasting relationships.
The best thing we can do as humans is to learn how to read people without letting our preconceived notions get in the way. And it all starts with self-awareness.
Knowing Our Triggers
When we judge others based on their appearance, we’re really just reacting to our own experiences. For example, if you grew up poor or in an unsafe neighborhood, it’s natural to read body language as a warning sign for danger.
Unfortunately, some of us haven’t learned how to read others and put too much stock into body language. If you’ve never been in a position where your appearance gave off negative signals. For example, it’s unlikely that people assume you’re more privileged because you have money or look more intelligent because you have glasses. You can fall into bad habits when reading other people.
Always keep in mind that looks can be deceiving; even though someone may be dressed like they have money, they might not actually be wealthy.
Deciding If We Should Confront Someone About Their Actions or Behavior
Sometimes we judge other people, and sometimes that judgment is accurate. Other times, we misinterpret social cues, or just make wild guesses about someone’s intentions.
In our day-to-day lives, it can be easy to forget that our snap judgments could easily be misguided, and could even have detrimental effects on our relationships with others. Read people but know your worth and don’t let them bring you down!
